Dealing with Bullies

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What is a bully? The dictionary says a bully is an aggressive person who intimidates or mistreats other people, especially people they perceive as weaker and therefore more vulnerable. The thesaurus gives many words as alternatives to bully and this speaks volumes about the phenomenon: Tormenters, intimidators, persecutors, oppressors, tyrants, toughs, and aggressors. These days bullies seem to be everywhere but perhaps they have always been everywhere. Schools have always had bullies and now the internet seems to be full of them. Business is loaded with managers who are bullies, as are police departments and the military. Yes, whole organizations can be bullies like scientific fraternities, political parties, religions, terror organizations like the CIA, airlines, departments of government like Homeland Security, the immigration Department, US Customs, and a long list of others. Banks can be tremendous bullies, as can pharmaceutical companies, insurance companies, oil companies and so on. Americans and citizens everywhere are surrounded by bullies and have to deal with them all the time. No one is exempt. The president of the United States is often bullied by the Congress and by the opposing political party. There have been presidents and leaders of nations that have been tremendous bullies themselves. Henry the VIII, Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, Putin, Trump, Mormar Kadhafi, Saddam Hussein, Bashar Al Assad, the bully list is extremely long throughout history.

A year of the bully

Two Thousand Sixteen can very well be the year of the bully. As per our recent trends talk, the yearly goal is dominance and the mode is aggression. The positive pole of dominance is leadership however the negative pole is dictatorship. That is where you find the bully. In terms of aggression the positive pole is dynamism and the negative pole is belligerence. That is also where you find the bully. When you put the negative poles together, belligerent dictatorship, you have a classic bully. This is a year where these tendencies will spring up everywhere in people who are susceptible to behaving in bully like ways. Shortly I will talk a little bit about the dynamics of bullying that principally stems from fear and insecurity. One of the principle candidates for president at this time demonstrates classic bullying behavior. Isis is a bully. As you have seen the list is long. You might need to watch for bullying behavior around you or even within you. Keep your eyes open and understand that this year you might bump into a bully or two or at least hear about them through media or your friends.

Bullying times

One of the reasons that bullying behavior is so prominent in these times is the great shift that is happening now from a predominantly young soul world to a mature soul world. This requires a little explanation to understand the underlying dynamics of the change. As time marches on the human species goes through progressive evolutionary shifts just like a human does in an individual lifetime. We began as infants, shifted to toddlers, progress to children, then adolescence and young adulthood, and then progress onward to adulthood, elder-hood, and mastery. This progression has taken place in successive waves over the course of history. The current population is now shifting out of childhood and into adolescence, basically a puberty time for our species.

Our universe is based on a mathematical model made up primarily of threes and sevens. The seven roles or archetypes correspond to specific numbers and the ages of maturity do likewise. Here is the way they stack up. Infancy (server) is a one, toddler (artisan) is a two, childhood (warrior) is a three, adolescence (scholar) is a four, adulthood (sage) is a five, elder (priest) is a six, and master (king) is a seven. What this means is that there is some flavor of one role that influences each progressive age. Since childhood is extremely active it is associated with the warrior role, extremely action oriented. Since adolescence tends to be more studious and is intensively assimilative, it is associated with the scholar role, assimilative. At the end of childhood we can be more active than ever and therefore are more warrior like than ever. That is where we are as a species at this time. While any role can act like a bully, there is nothing quite like a child warrior in a bully stage.

Now I want to be very clear here. This does not mean that all warriors are child stage souls who are bullies. NO! NO! NO! I do not want to be misunderstood here or misinterpreted. Warriors can be any soul age and a good many of them today are older souls. The older the soul they are, the less they act like bullies. That goes for any role. All I am saying here is that we are all a little more warrior-like when we are children. We are all a little more scholar like in adolescence, and certainly as masters we will be more king-like.

In keeping with these extremely difficult times, especially under the influence of Uranus and Pluto, many people are behaving extraordinarily badly, left and right. Lena and I have had our own experience with bullies having recently quite suddenly been viciously attacked by a couple of individuals who have assaulted our integrity, threatened our livelihood, attempted to undermine our reputations, threatened lawsuits, threatened jail, and in general through intense threats and unreasonable demands for large sums of money to be transferred immediately, have quite literally communicated their intentions to destroy us.

The dynamics of bullying

Unfortunately, as you have seen, this type of drama is not isolated but widespread these days and I believe most people go through some version of this in their lives. It is never easy and all too often it tends to escalate rather than be resolved in a sane and balanced way. Mostly what drives this sort of thing is great fear and a feeling of being victimized and maligned by outside forces. There is an attempt to right all the wrongs one has gone through by attacking the perceived cause of one’s feelings of unhappiness, confusion, and sense of helplessness. It is what drives bullies and attackers of all stripes to do what they do in hopes they will feel powerful rather than weak and helpless. In the field of psychology this phenomenon is called transference, transferring old unfinished business with parents to some new parental figure in the hopes of getting recompense for wrongs done. As all therapists know this strategy is doomed to failure. The person must go back and deal with the original perpetrator to resolve the issue, not some substitute, even if the original is dead and gone.

Clearly, rather than actually being bullied, there is the possibility of a great learning opportunity here. There is nothing like being seriously threatened to bring out all the grime and unfinished business sitting around in the psyche. All those imperfections and shadowy residues get a light shined on them in order to be cleaned up. Unfortunately we tend not to look at these shadows when everything is going great. So the guys with the black hats are actually place-holders for bigger lessons and conflicts from other lifetimes that when dealt with properly create greater freedom, more understanding, and ultimately more power.

What I have noticed in this process are certain patterns that do serve and other patterns that do not. For me, an attack usually first brings out annoyance and irritability, like, “Oh damn, someone is trying to rip off my time and energy when I would really rather use it for something constructive.” This is followed by, “Oh I wonder if they can actually do some damage here? I better attend to this.” This starts a train of obsessing thoughts that are not too constructive and which I find myself resenting. Then comes some inner guidance such as, “Hey Jose, where is your faith? You are being tested. What are you supposed to learn here? All good things come to those that learn their lessons quickly.” Oh good. This is better. I am back on the right track.” Then comes spiritual considerations like “Okay, I will bless my attackers and hold them in love and light. I will do what I can to forgive them.” Not easy but I try.

The attacks continue to worsen. Hmmmmm. What to do now? Is the lesson to forgive and love anyway or is the lesson to stand up and say, “Enough. No more. You can’t do this.” “Oh!” The voice of guidance says, “The lesson is both.” As usual it is not an either or proposition. It is both. I should never tolerate being bullied but I can also forgive at the same time. That does not mean I do not take action to prevent unconscionable attacks. It means I do everything in my power to prevent wrongdoing and I work on neutrality at the same time and do my best to hold no malice. I discover that this is very hard because with continued attacks, threats, and outrageous money demands that cannot and should not be met, I am provoked in the extreme. Every day there is work to do. Everyday there is watching self and seeing where the fear is, where the anger is (just another form of fear), where the desire for vengeance lies (more fear).

Drawing a strict line in the sand often brings out the bully even more as they deliberately attempt to cross it. So a hard line, no tolerance policy as a boundary is often a failing strategy. There must be firm resolve not to be pushed around but at the same time the bully must always be given a way out, a way of saving face. This tends to fuzz the boundary a little like a DMZ (demilitarized zone) and this is a policy that while not perfect, tends to de-escalate the tension. Bullies often need to feel like they won something, a concession if anything, even if in reality they deserve nothing. Sometimes it is just agreeing that they are right about one point.

Personal patterns and bullying

As I observe myself I see that my old pattern of dealing with bullies goes back a long time; all throughout grade school. There was Michael in the first grade stealing my toys and lying. There was Butch, the slick new kid in the fourth grade shoving me every time he saw me to impress others. There was big Larry in fifth grade threatening me if I didn’t let him copy my homework. There were the street toughs in seventh grade trying to steal my bike on the way home from school. There was big Silvano from a different school, punching and hitting me after school. And then there were the predatory child molesters cruising and trying to get me into their cars with bribes. It was a minefield. My reactions then were predictable, as patterns tend to be: 1. Put up with the abuse hoping it would go away, while trying to be peaceful. 2. Eventually becoming intolerably provoked, I would get into a violent physical fight with most of them, and teach them a lesson not to mess with me. Much later I was to discover that it was my subconscious knowledge of martial arts from past lives that allowed me to succeed even though I was a skinny, scrawny kid who knew nothing about fighting. To my surprise my oppressors seemed to collapse even though I didn’t do much to harm them. The perverts were a different story. I had no opportunities to deal with them directly. I mainly had to overcome my fear of them and avoid them at all costs.

In keeping with a shamanic understanding of the way things work, there are no accidents and everything is only appearances. Upon reflection it is interesting to see that I magnetized these characters to myself over the years like so many of us do, and then felt victimized by them to the point where I resorted to physical violence to right the wrongs. What self created drama! Now in the dregs of my subconscious the last vestiges of this old pattern rears up to be disposed of once and for all. This is a time for sober reflection, observation, coherency, and clarity. The trick is to deal with these old ghosts and not to transfer any of it onto the present situation. These are not the droids I want.

In the world of quantum physics the observer changes the outcome of the experiment without actually doing anything. I am the experiment so I need a witness to do nothing more than watch lovingly. I need to call up an ally as a witness. I choose my old ally Paramahansa Yogananda because he is so good at this. He also had is own legal problems that he overcame successfully. Okay Yogananda. I need you to see me as I am, a perfect vessel for Spirit with an imperfect human personality. Never stop observing me with loving kindness throughout this whole challenge. Now I am in business. I can work with this. I have a powerful friend. I also call up my great ally tobacco to protect me from all negativity. Great. Proceed.

The old strategy and pattern of placating and then fighting is no longer tenable because I am not in the business of taking people down, just the opposite in fact. Today the strategy and pattern is 1. Take nothing personally. 2. Recognize that there is nobody out there; I see that all my experience is out-pictured by me. 3. I take responsibility for any abusive behavior that originates with me. I see that the ultimate solution to abuse in the world begins with me. 4. I need to be impeccable, just, fair, and honest no matter what. 5. I need to take responsibility for having good strong boundaries in this illusory universe where people are behaving badly and I don’t want to contribute to the bad behavior by condoning it. I need to tolerate no external abuse whatsoever. There, that seems to cover the territory.

Gandhi was no stranger to Bullying. He had to deal with the entire British Empire oppressing India at the time. As Gandhi said, to paraphrase, “There have always been tyrants (bullies) in the world. In the end they will never prevail. Never! In another quote Gandhi says, ”No one can hurt me unless I give them permission.” This is what I consider to be expert advice in regard to dealing with bullies. Basically what he is saying is “Don’t give your power away to them. Don’t give them permission. They will never prevail because they are not coming from integrity, from the truth. They are operating out of distortion, out of a twisted agenda. In the end a twisted agenda is not strong, is not powerful; It is weak.

A word about the Inner Bully

Perhaps the worst bully of all is the voice within. This is the sub-personality that is always browbeating, berating, putting down, finding fault with. It is made up of many voices: Social programming; the voice of parents; teachers; coaches; older siblings; ministers; priests; and so on. It may even try to take on the voice of a patriarchal god that we interjected as children. “You are a sinner.” Perhaps it takes on the voice of Donald Trump, “You are a loser.” You get the idea. It is not a truthful voice. It takes a snippet of truth and exaggerates it. “You made one mistake on the test and now you are a total failure.” This is the voice of a manipulative liar that has coopted some authority. It is arrogant, supercilious, mean, oppressive, and in a word, a bully. The same set of strategies I mentioned above works with this bully as well. The bully you don’t feed shrinks. The bully you don’t give power to is weakened. The bully you neutrally observe like a curious insect has to transform. The bully you give firm boundaries to is contained.

I hope that these reflections on bullying will be helpful to you. I further hope that you will remain bully free in these intensively bullying times. In the meantime support is always helpful. Many Blessings, Jose


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José Stevens


José Luis Stevens, PhD is the president and co-founder (with wife Lena) of Power Path Seminars, an international school and consulting firm dedicated to the study and application of shamanism and indigenous wisdom to business and everyday life. José completed a ten-year apprenticeship with a Huichol (Wixarika) Maracame (Huichol shaman) in the Sierras of Central Mexico. In addition, he is studying with Shipibo shamans in the Peruvian Amazon and with Paqos (shamans) in the Andes in Peru. In 1983 he completed his doctoral dissertation at the California Institute of Integral Studies focusing on the interface between shamanism and western psychological counseling. Since then, he has studied cross-cultural shamanism around the world to distill the core elements of shamanic healing and practice. He is the author of twenty books and numerous articles including Encounters With Power, Awaken The Inner Shaman, The Power Path, Secrets of Shamanism, Transforming Your Dragons and How To Pray The Shaman’s Way.

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You may make copies of this writing and distribute it in any media you wish, so long as you do not charge for it or alter it in any way. You must credit the author and include this entire copyright notice. While the text may be shared, no audio files, including lectures, music and/or sound meditations, may be posted on any site for any reason without written permission from the Power Path.

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